


hide my head (i wanna drown my sorrow)

by Finduilas



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Pre-Slash, RIP Allison Argent, aftermath of allison's death, coda to 3.23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 22:57:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1567076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas/pseuds/Finduilas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Allison's death, Stiles can't face Scott or Lydia. So he goes to find Derek.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hide my head (i wanna drown my sorrow)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Mandy for the beta!
> 
> Please take a look at the [beautiful artwork](http://finduilasclln.tumblr.com/post/80004531070/girleverafter-a-time-to-mourn-inspired-by) GEA made for this ficlet!

“What are you doing here?”

There’s no judgement in his voice, only worry and… exhaustion.

Stiles just shrugs, his eyes fixed on the big window. He’s not sure he can look Derek in the eye either.

“Scott’s looking for you,” Derek says, and Stiles can hear him come closer, gingerly stepping over to the window and inside of Stiles’ line of sight.

“I can’t face Scott right now,” Stiles says, his voice hitching on his best friend’s name, “Or Lydia. … Isaac.”

“Being with your friends is supposed to help - ” Derek starts, sitting down on the little edge, back leaning against the window.

“It’s my fault she’s dead,” Stiles cuts him off, blinking rapidly as he stubbornly doesn’t glance at Derek.

It’s his fault. All his fault.

“No,” Derek says, so casually that it makes Stiles finally look over at him. “It isn’t.”

“All the things I did, all the people that got hurt and died because of me…” Stiles chokes out, and he isn’t sure if he feels like he’s going to be sick or start crying. “And now Allison.”

It’s the tears that finally win out, spilling onto his hands.

“Allison…” Stiles whispers. “She was so brave. What she did, the way she went up against her family’s code… she changed everything.” He doesn’t even try and stop the tears anymore, or the choked off sobs that gargle up his words. “We needed her, Derek. We all did…”

“I know,” Derek says softly, and Stiles knows that it isn’t fair to come here, to put even more grief on Derek’s shoulders when he’s already been buried by it his entire lifetime. But Derek scoots over a little closer to Stiles, puts a hand on Stiles’ ankle. Stiles is hunched over his knees, sitting on the floor, his face wet with tears. “But it is not your fault.”

“I invited him in,” Stiles whispers, like a confession.

“I find that hard to believe,” Derek says, his fingers a steady pressure around Stiles’ ankle.

“It should’ve been me,” Stiles says, shaking his head, because at least he would’ve made amends for what he had done. At least Allison would have been alive.

“It shouldn’t have been anyone,” Derek says, determined.

Stiles looks up at Derek, at the hard set in his jaw, but the empathy in his eyes as he looks at Stiles. It’s hard not to see that Derek has changed, has grown.

“How can you look at me and not want me dead for what I’ve done?” Stiles asks, his voice strangled.

Derek’s lips form a thin line, then he asks, “Do you want me dead?”

“What?” Stiles asks, taken aback. “No, of course not.” he answers out of reflex before the realization hits him of how much he means it.

“Bad things have happened to us, Stiles,” Derek says, his hand never leaving Stiles’ leg. “You would’ve done anything to save Allison, if you could have. We probably all would have. It’s what Allison did…”

Stiles nods as more tears spill from his eyes.

“She was there to save Lydia, to save you…all of you,” Derek goes on, and Stiles thinks he can see Derek’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. “She thought you were worth saving.”

Stiles huffs out an unamused laugh at that.

“You should trust her on that,” Derek says, squeezing his fingers around Stiles’ skin a little firmer.

Stiles isn’t sure how he’s going to face his life again after this. How he’s supposed to go to school and sit at the lunch table without Allison there. How he’s supposed to hang out with Scott, do normal teenage things when his first love life died in his arms. How he’s supposed to even go to sleep without the image of Allison in his head. How he’s ever going to get up off this cold floor and pick up the pieces of himself again.

‘You should trust her on that.’

He wants to, he really does. Because Allison was smart, and trustworthy. And inasmuch as Scott is their Alpha now, Allison was their leader.

Now, they’re just… lost.

The ache tugs at Stiles’ heart, forcing out more tears as he all but doubles over on himself, collapsing as he leans into Derek. Derek’s arm comes around his shoulder, and Stiles lets himself be guided over, his head against Derek’s chest, muffling the louder growing sobs.

“She was worth saving too,” Derek whispers, and it sounds broken.

‘We failed her,’ Stiles wants to say, but he can’t get the words out, blocked by too much pain, too much grief.

Stiles can feel Derek’s fingers on the back on his neck, and he doesn’t have to see the veins blacken to know what Derek is doing.

He doesn’t know how long they sit there, in silence, Derek listening to Stiles cry against his shirt while trying to relieve some of the hurt. He doesn’t know why he came to Derek’s loft, even though a little voice in the back of his mind tells him that he does. But Derek didn’t kick him out, didn’t tell him to go. Derek is here, sharing some of the pain that Stiles isn’t sure he can handle alone anymore.

Stiles’ hand finds it’s way to Derek’s side, and he knows he doesn’t have the same abilities as Derek does, but he hopes that maybe, somehow, he’s repaying the favor.


End file.
